In 1981, I was a member of the California Commission on Aging.
Looking back, I find it ironic that, with a couple of exceptions,
everyone on the commission was in their 40s. We thought we knew a lot
about aging, which was, in retrospect, just plain naïve. The two people
in their 60s were seemingly token ‘oldsters’, lending their gray hair
to our committee.
One
of the things I thought I knew was that everyone, including the old, is
afraid to die. As I began to speak with hundreds
By Shae Hadden
Bio
I was surprised to sit down to dinner at a restaurant last night and
look up to see a table full of women boldly wearing red hats sitting
across from me. Few people wear hats these days, fewer still with any
sense of style. Yet these ladies, members of the Red Hat Society, were obviously comfortable with themselves and sassy enough to carry it off.
Curious
to know more about them than just their trademark red hats and purple
outfits, I went over and chatted with them
I am against trying to ‘legislate’ or ‘regulate’ good behavior. I
don’t think people respond very well to rules that are ‘good for
them’—whether it is anti-smoking legislation, ‘dietary’ packaging, or
sanctions on putting condom machines in high schools. People will, at
best, comply, but the underlying problems and cognitive blindness
persists for decades (if not forever). The result is institutionalized
secrecy, hypocrisy, black markets
It occurs to me that we relate to our chronological age as something
that we don’t control. And we spend an enormous amount of time and
energy resisting this lack of control. A friend of mine overheard a
40-something woman recently tell a colleague, “Oh, I figure that I will
be pretty well finished by the time I am 60, so I need to make hay
while the sun shines”. She
was talking about her love life, but it brought home the notion of how
we all
If I could give one gift to my children, I think it would be
“acceptance”. It isn’t too hard to understand intellectually that we
should simply accept life on life’s terms and not try to control what
we can’t really control. Yet, it’s a hard lesson to learn. I think not
accepting may be the source of most, if not all, suffering. When we
live with the view that reality ‘should be’ other than it is, we are
living in a dream (at best) and a state
The more time I spend in this conversation about ‘the rest of your
life’, the more I begin to question the questions. I find I am torn: my
‘gung ho’ enthusiasm to empower seniors to make a difference and to
help midwife a transformation of the aging paradigm from one of decline
to one of possibility and sufficiency encounters a kind of acceptance
(even resignation) that everything will all work out in the end and
that I should devote the rest of my life
By Vince DiBianca
Bio
I’ve noticed I’m feeling a certain dynamic tension between two
opposing forces. On one hand, I’m committed to going out in the world
and maximizing the difference I can make. In my 60s, that continues to
be a significant priority. On the other hand, I’d like to play more,
visit with my family and work in my woodshop. And that too is a
priority.
The
tension comes from the fact that I’m equally committed to both
priorities. I look for
My mother is almost 87 and my father 89. They live in
Tucson and have a nice manufactured home in a nice park on Speedway.
Mother’s health is failing due to emphysema: Dad seems to be doing well
and going strong. They migrated to Arizona about 15 years ago in
deference to Mother’s desire for heat and dry air. Dad would prefer to
be in Texas or Oklahoma where the ‘hawks turn lazy circles in the sky’…
mostly for fishing and picking pecans. Perhaps one of these days he
will get his wish.
My
A friend was asking me why I’m so keen to change our
conversation about aging—to transform the culture of aging from one of
decline to one of possibility. One answer is self-interest, insofar as
I am growing older and experiencing more and more of the symptoms of a
culture that objectifies me and wants me to follow its prescription for
“growing old gracefully” (which means ‘slow down’, step aside, play
golf, enjoy my grandchildren, be
During my business lifetime, I have had many careers—everything
from school secretary, waitress and restaurant owner to author, legal
secretary and promotion director. I was also a realtor, both in Canada
and the United States. When I retired from the real estate profession
after more than 20 years, butterflies started flying around in my
stomach. Instead of giving in to my fears, I said, “Stop. Listen up,
self. I have worked all