Tag Archives: habit

Personal Empowerment

Boundaries: Choosing Change

By Jim Selman | Bio

We’ve all experienced a situation—whether in a marriage, friendship or business relationship—where we find ourselves thinking about the other person and saying, “I love you, BUT…”. It’s in that moment we realize a particular behavior of theirs is not acceptable to us and has become a source of stress and resentment. For many, resentment almost always leads to a downward spiral of self-destructive behavior and the eventual destruction of the relationship.

I was coaching a friend recently who is in such a dilemma. She is and always has been the primary breadwinner in her marriage. Her husband is a charming, lovable, creative man who is prone to spending binges whenever he is traveling or working on various short-term projects. This usually leads to an ‘explosive’ encounter when the credit card bills arrive. These angry eruptions are followed by his characteristic pattern of apologies, remorse and promises followed by feelings

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Wisdom in Action

The Future Habit

By Jim Selman | Bio

It is almost impossible to turn on the television or read a newspaper or a magazine without encountering one pundit, expert or “man on the street” either talking about the future or trying to blame someone for something. Our media commentary is rarely about what is happening now: mostly it’s about what happened in the past or what someone thinks is going to happen in the future. Combine the establishment media with all of the blogging and chatting going on, and it is incredible

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Fearless Aging

Between Trapezes

By Jim Selman | Bio

I think there is a time when we realize that ‘what got us here’ isn’t sufficient to get us ‘where we want to go’. These times are the transition points in life, the points where we have an opportunity to make major choices and embark on a new phase of our lives—to experience a transformation in how we observe and relate to ourselves, other people and the world in general. I can recall having this feeling when I left home for college, again when I got married, when my children were born and at various times when I changed the direction of my career.

I think most of us face the hard questions about who we are and what our life is about when we retire. I don’t think you need a special occasion, however, to experience a transformation. A transformational moment can happen anytime we realize that we have a choice we didn’t know we had. These moments often come as a surprise, and are often accompanied with a rush of excitement combined with a touch of terror.

Transformational moments are like swinging between two trapezes:

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Fearless Aging

A Crackberry By Any Other Name…

By Jim Selman | Bio

A few weeks ago, I posted my musings about Blackberries and other gizmos that seem to have taken over our minds and that are becoming the focus for much of our attention (to the point of almost being amusing to see folks pulling them out). The media has dubbed these devices “crackberries’ in view of their seemingly addictive hold on us.

Well, in spite of my protests to never get hooked, I bought one and am now one of ‘them’—sneaking glances, trying to look nonchalant

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Fearless Aging

Filling Time

By Jim Selman | Bio

I notice lately that a lot of my conversations with older friends revolve around the question “What do you want to do?” This is usually followed by a smorgasbord of choices ranging from recreation to entertainment to ‘just hanging out’. It sounds a lot like the conversations my children used to have on a Saturday afternoon. It seems to me that this kind of conversation is about filling time, rather than intentional or purposeful choices. It is about picking from available

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Personal Empowerment

Habitual Being

One thing about being on the road as much as I have been for most of this year is that living in hotel rooms allows you to reflect on many things. For example, you get to examine your values and priorities and whether your transient life style is really a choice or just a kind of habit you’ve developed over the course of your career. I have been a consultant since 1969 and have traveled a lot over the past 28 years. You get some idea of how nutty we road warriors can be when you consider we

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