Category Archives: Fearless Aging

Fearless Aging

My Birthday

By Jim Selman | Bio

My birthday is tomorrow. I don’t normally give much significance to these annual milestones. I don’t actually remember most of my birthdays, other than a few of the hallmarks—21st, 50th and maybe my 65th.  I certainly appreciate the cards and wishes and the fact that someone cares enough to acknowledge the day. My birthday has probably been of more interest to astrologers than it has for me. This year, I am spending it alone in Madrid on a rainy day.  Perhaps for this reason, I am more reflective than I might otherwise be.

Sixty-seven years ago I didn’t exist, and sometime in the foreseeable future I won’t exist again. I have already been around longer than most of my ancestors, made more money than my father, had three great children, pursued three totally different careers, traveled the world, loved and been loved a lot, experienced heartbreak and pain, and (arguably) have learned more in my lifetime than was learnable a hundred years ago. I am happy, healthy and, with the grace of God and

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Fearless Aging

Benjamin Button

By Jim Selman | Bio

Assuming you’ve been to the museums a couple of times and don’t speak Spanish very well, what can you do in Madrid on a cold and wet winter day except find an English-speaking film? I did, and finally caught up with everyone else and saw The Strange Case of Benjamin Button. Put me down as a fan, but the funny thing is that it is one of those films that you’re not quite sure if or why you like it.

First of all, it is about age. Brad Pitt is born ‘old’ and gets progressively

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Fearless Aging

Bag Lady

1 Comment

By Jim Selman | Bio

I was recording a podcast recently in response to the question of how ‘elders’ should be dealing with money these days given the current and projected economic mess. The woman I was speaking to was clearly ‘worried’ about her financial future. I started my response by sharing that over many years of coaching I sometimes chuckle when speaking with women because they all seem to have a generic fear of becoming a ‘bag lady’. There was an interesting article in the Toronto Globe and Mail in December titled, “Why women look in the mirror and a bag lady looks back”. It seems this archetype pervades a lot of women’s deepest fears of failure and becoming destitute.

To be sure it isn’t funny if it happens; however, for the vast majority of women this isn’t going to happen. Yet the fear of it lingers on. My response to the question was that, while I have no particular expertise in money management, I do have something to say about how we relate to money—however much we may have or not have. People should consult qualified financial advisors at as young an age as possible and responsibly invest in their financial future.

With respect

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Fearless Aging

Family Conversation

By Jim Selman | Bio

Last evening we were having a lively family conversation about life in general and Eldering in particular. We talked about whether there is, in fact, a ‘generational divide’ and, if so, what can we say about it. To my surprise, my children and my son’s girlfriend all felt that there was less of a divide in the minds of people their age than in the minds of people my age. I asked the question, “What do young men and women talk to each other about that you would be reluctant

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Fearless Aging

New Year’s Resolutions

By Jim Selman | Bio

It seems to me that I have been making New Year’s Resolutions most of my life. Like many, I have also been well intended and even ‘in action’ for awhile each year before my list fades into the background; habit or comfort or rationalization takes over and I once again ‘forget’ my annual commitments to personal betterment for another year. At my age I wonder why I even bother to make the list.

I found some of my old ‘resolutions’ from about 2001 the other day. As usual my ‘good intentions’ included weight loss, learning a new language, playing the guitar, exercise, more discipline about writing, a financial goal and some odds and ends related to recreation, meditation and taking more time to just read and relax. It wasn’t a lot different than the proclamations I made in college.

The irony is that, in spite of mostly failing to keep my New Year’s resolutions,

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Fearless Aging

Understanding

By Jim Selman | Bio

One of the aphorisms we were given at the end of the est training in the 1970s was the statement, “Understanding is the booby prize.” It has taken me most of my life to really appreciate and mostly live day-to-day with this trueism. In our culture, understanding is assumed to be more or less synonymous with ‘knowledge’. It’s the point to most communication and a prerequisite for most commitment.

If I have acquired any wisdom over the past six decades, it is this: the purpose of learning is action and understanding is a by-product of accomplishment (not a prerequisite). When I speak to groups of people, it usually takes me a few hours for them to ‘get’ that I am not communicating so they understand me, but communicating in a way that I hope will provide them with some new possibility or opening for action. As a coach, I am very clear that

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Fearless Aging

Springtime Awakening

By Jim Selman | Bio

I went to the Broadway musical Springtime Awakening this evening. The last musical I cried in before tonight was Les Miserables. Springtime Awakening is an exceptionally intense, well produced and acted story about youth coming of age in Germany at some time in what would seem to be the early or mid-1900s. It is a story that has plenty of parallels today, including confronting hormone-driven questions about our sexuality, about friendship, teen suicide, parental sex abuse, back ally abortions and somehow dealing with the wounds of growing up. read more
Fearless Aging

Longevity

By Jim Selman | Bio

I never thought longevity was the point to living, although as I grow older I am a lot more interested in the subject that when I was young. I haven’t met Dan Buettner but would like to. He’s written an article in the November issue of the AARP magazine called “Find Purpose, Live Longer”. He has done research in 4 areas of the world called ‘Blue Zones’ that have a large

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Fearless Aging

Passion and Purpose

By Jim Selman | Bio

I was working on the design of a course the other day and musing about what would someone in my circumstances want to ‘get’ from a workshop about ‘designing the rest of my life’. When I began to think about it, I realized I’m happy and okay financially. I have lots of friends and family and experience lots of love. I am still engaged in my career and have numerous outlets for my creative impulses. All in all, I can’t think of much that I want that I don’t have

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