By Jim Selman | Bio
I notice lately that a lot of my conversations with older friends revolve around the question “What do you want to do?” This is usually followed by a smorgasbord of choices ranging from recreation to entertainment to ‘just hanging out’. It sounds a lot like the conversations my children used to have on a Saturday afternoon. It seems to me that this kind of conversation is about filling time, rather than intentional or purposeful choices. It is about picking from available
By Shae Hadden | Bio
How often do we relate to our health as we grow older as something ‘less than’ what it was in the past? I am reminded of a dear friend in her 20s who has lived with polio all her life. For her, the baseline of health is so very different than mine, and yet, as she grows older, she too is caught up in the ‘less than’ comparison. Over the past few months, I have been discovering another way of relating to my health—both present and future. I have been discovering that I am not my health or any story I may have about what was possible in the past or what’s possible in the future for my body. I am learning how to be a patient patient, a middle-aged woman committed to my healing process.Being
a patient patient is surrendering to ‘what is’ and being committed to
our own healing process—no matter what that involves. For me, this
shows up these days as learning how to balance regaining my strength
after several months of illness and surgery and the need to keep moving
my body and stimulating my mind to support my beleaguered immune system
and enhance my recovery. The balance shifts constantly: one day there’s
an
By Shae Hadden | Bio
While waiting for the results of the U.S. presidential election to come in, I was musing on what patience is and how valuable it will be in the days ahead. Patience is the ability to endure without complaint, to persevere when things get rough, to tolerate without annoyance or provocation. Being patient is one way of relating to our circumstances and to time that allows us to avoid being victims. The way of patience is the way of surrender and trust—surrender to ‘what is’ and trust that our intentions will unfold in time.The American people have patiently endured this months-long campaign…and, for the most part, have not been upset or annoyed with the slow playing out of their democratic process. Even though an urgent call for change echoes throughout both parties’ campaigns, the people’s commitment to democracy has allowed the political process to come to its own conclusion in its own time (without revolution). What awaits Americans next is to face their desperate need for unreasonable
Read an interesting perspective from the UK’s Guardian on yesterday’s election.
By Jim Selman | Bio
It occurs to me that in less than 36 hours about half of the nation and a good percentage of folks around the world will be disappointed and resentful that their candidate for the US Presidency will have lost. These are two of the most unproductive, in fact counter-productive moods we can have—especially resentment.Resentment kills relationship. It is a mood that has embedded in it an accusatory frame of mind that someone or something is ‘against’ what we believe or want and will continue to be a threat in the future. Resentment is a mixture of fear, anger, lack of responsibility and entitlement that the world be the way we want it to be. Disappointment is pretty much the same, without the anger and accusation. In both cases, we’re relating to the world as if the circumstance is
By Jim Selman | Bio
One more day and we’ll know for sure who will be our President. If we accept the polls, it looks like a slam-dunk for Obama. (I already voted for him.) But even should there be a miracle for McCain, the nation faces a moment of truth unlike any time that I can recall’—at least not since the end of the Civil War. I am talking about how we get beyond the LEFT versus RIGHT schism that has divided and fragmented our nation and made a mockery of what we used to say in the ‘Pledge of Allegiance’ when we declared ourselves to be “One Nation Under God, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All”.I am betting that Obama is sincere in his commitment to this and that he will have the leadership skills to inspire and unite a divided nation. This is a lot more than just ‘working across the aisle’—although that might be a good start. Rather, it means confronting the institutionalized identities that political entrepreneurs have used to garner power. We must stop labeling each other as ‘black Americans’, ‘Hispanic Americans’ ‘Gay Americans’ and on and on.
By Shae Hadden | Bio
Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love contains an interesting perspective on aging. For the Balinese, it is more important what day of the week you were born on than the year you were born in. One of the characters, a Balinese medicine man named Ketut, knows only that his birthday is on Thursday and that he was an adult in WWII. His estimates of his age vary daily, depending on how tired or upbeat he’s feeling.
Imagine what life might be like if you didn’t
By Jim Selman | Bio
One
of the central tenets of my work is that everything happens in a
context of relationship—a shared background of concerns, commitments
and practices—what I call a background of relatedness. We may make
commitments as individuals, but we always fulfill them in networks of
relationships with other people.
The other day I was asking,
“What does it mean for an economy to collapse?” What is the worst-case
scenario of the current ‘meltdown’ and ‘freezing
By Shae Hadden | Bio
Several years ago, a wise 93-year-old man named Hayden shared with me his principles for living life “at the growing edge”. He had printed them on cards, in the shape of a bookmark, and distributed them to everyone who engaged in meaningful conversation with him. Today, as I’m recovering from the first major surgery I’ve ever had, I was drawn to reflect on a couple of them again. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I shared them with you now:The Gerontological Society of America will be holding its 61st annual scientific meeting in National Harbor, MD from November 21st to 25th. The theme this year is "Resilience in an Aging Society: Risks and Opportunities". Research presented at last year’s meeting led to articles published in the NY Times on Walking