By Jim Selman | Bio
This is one of those nights when I am up early in Madrid—still having a little ‘time zone’ fatigue. I am writing today’s blog while listening to Miles Davis play “My Funny Valentine” on my headset. Now for those who are into music and listen to it all the time, this may seem like a “so what?” But strange as it seems and even though I enjoy music when I hear it, I am not very conscious of it. Music is just background for me most of the time. The other day I was talking to a friend who also does a lot of blogging who said she couldn’t think of writing without carefully choosing the music to listen to while she is writing. So, here I am at four in the morning listening to my jazz favorites on iTunes.
Valentine’s Day is coming up in a couple of days and it has me thinking about romance. I am a romantic and always have been. I think I may be getting more romantic as I get older. This has me wondering what romance is. Diana Kroll is singing “You may call it romance, but I call it love”. The fact is that romance is a lot of what I think makes life worth living. Romance isn’t just about seducing the ‘objects of our desire’. Maybe it is the recognition that the ‘other’ isn’t an object at all.
Romance is undoubtedly associated with possibility. On a personal level, romance might be closing the restaurant or being the last couple on the dance floor. It can be about writing a poem or walking down ‘the street where she lives’. Sometimes romance is just a smile and a ‘lightness’ of mood. More often than not, it is just sharing joy with another. It can be sending gifts to those we care about for ‘no reason’ other than to share the connection we were feeling when we thought to buy the gift. My recipe for romance is being in the ‘now’ while creating ‘what might be’, combined with a dash of gratitude and happiness just for the other person being in our lives.
I think Diana is right. I think romance is one of the ways we express our love and who we are and can be in the world. Too often people either wait for it to happen or are afraid of it when it does because they feel surrendering to love can leave them vulnerable to being hurt if their romantic ‘dream’ doesn’t come true. This is, of course, possible. But love and romance are not about outcomes. They are about embracing the moment and savoring the scent and taste of another human being while granting them the space to just ‘be the way they are’. Any expectations or ‘requirements’ we put into the mix are just ways to protect ourselves and ultimately sour the experience.
So this Valentine’s Day, send roses or a card to all the people you love and let them know that they are special—not just to you, just special.
I am ending with Neil Diamond joyously singing “Shilo”—a song about an old man remembering and reliving a romance from his youth … perfect ending!!!