Choice and Trust

By Shae Hadden | Bio

My life is my game—no one else’s. And I create the rules. What freedom, what choices, what responsibility! Playing ‘by the rules’ means playing according to choices I’ve made about what’s ‘best’ for me. And that’s left me in a quandary, because many ‘old rules’ don’t fit anymore. It’s time to examine them, keep the ones that still suit me and replace any unworkable ones. So here I am, wondering how to pick and choose from the rules I have been playing by.

Yet is it possible for us to know what choices, what rules will be ‘right’? We may very well be blind to possible consequences and dangers of what we’re choosing for our game. We may have committed to creating many new things, things that aren’t real yet. We can’t predict others’ reactions to these creations or what might happen with them based on past experience, because they have not existed in the world before. We may place ourselves in new situations, in circumstances for which we have no precedents to rely on. Can we know what will work out and what won’t, what will distract us and what will bring us closer to what we want in life?

Oh, if only we could know the future…..!

I suppose we can look to the past for proof that our previous choices have been ‘good’. We can talk to friends about their experiences in similar situations and get their advice. That might boost our confidence about choosing and give us some reassurance based on what has been. We can keep trying to predict the future to alleviate that unsettled feeling we have about what hasn’t happened yet. But we can never ‘know’ what will happen.

A dear friend recently said to me, “Enlightenment is relaxation.” So I’ve been ‘relaxing’ my thinking about choosing. I’ve been focusing on intending that the possibilities—the vision—I see for the future will become reality. I’m surrendering to the fact that I’ve been having trouble trusting that, no matter what my circumstances, I will be enough, I will do enough, I will have enough. I’ve let go of the idea that I can control even my surrendering to this (or to anything for that matter).

Perhaps all I can do is trust some Higher Power will unfold my surrendering, my choices, my intuitions, my creativity…and all in good time. And that I will be able to dance with whatever shows up.

Perhaps there is no answer to this question of choice. I don’t know. For now, choosing is a series of ‘leaps of faith’ into the unknown.