Tag Archives: fear

Fearless Aging

Fear: Toxin or Growth Hormone?

By Shae Hadden | Bio

The algae bloom on the lagoon where I’m housesitting seems symbolic of the state I’m in these days. Long-forgotten, half-hidden ideas seem to be coming to the forefront of my thinking and showing the richness of their colors and their impact on my life. Like my belief that “fear is toxic”. A belief that has been stored for years in my body and which I’m now choosing to let go of.

It’s true that fear triggers certain physiological responses in our bodies: adrenalin gets released, our heart rate increases, and all the normal ‘fight or flight’ responses come into play. And when fear is a constant in our lives, it becomes a constant in our bodies as well. My belief has been that it acts like a toxin, something harmful to our health and wellbeing, something that drains our energy and limits our ‘aliveness’. Over time, it can become a source of

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Fearless Aging

Nothing to Fear

By Jim Selman | Bio

To continue our discussion about fear and how to master it…. There are distinctions between coping with fear, transcending fear and transforming fear. Coping is our normal relationship with just about everything in our contemporary world. Our relationship to circumstances is that ‘the world’ is real and, more or less, whatever we think it is. We interact with our circumstances based on our point of view, and our actions reinforce our point of view. The result

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The Great Turning

Markets and Mindfulness

By Jim Selman | Bio

Sandra, my financial advisor and friend, and I were talking about the ‘meltdown’ the other day. I was asking how my retirement investments were doing and she shared that I probably don’t want to know. She is a believer that markets go up and down and, over the long-haul, reasonably conservative investing will pay off. Historically this may be true, but somehow knowing that doesn’t help when you are afraid of ‘losing’ your life’s savings or having to live off your friends and children when you are old. Sandra’s advice was to relax and don’t read the newspapers. I think she is right.

When I think about it, I
have been a long-term investor for the past twenty years or so. For
most of that time, I didn’t think about my investments or ‘follow’ the
market. My relationship with the financial world was about like my
relationship with the weather—I was vaguely aware when it was raining,
but mostly it didn’t affect my life one way or the other. So what
happened? Now I read the financial section in the newspaper first

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Fearless Aging

Fear and Risk

By Jim Selman | Bio

Our relationship to risk and our fears is closely related. Most of our lives we’ve made decisions based on some formal or informal process for assessing ‘risk’. In our conventional way of thinking, this means trying to predict what will or will not happen and with what probabilities based on some scenario or course of action. It is a ‘forward looking’ posture and, as with all predictions, draws on historical data or experience and projects it into the future. In other words, we take our past, project it into the future and then make our choices and commitments based on what our predictions (the past) tell us will probably happen.

Anyone who is even mildly
paying attention can easily grasp that the predictions are wrong more
often than they are right. Particularly now, when the world is changing
around us so rapidly, we can no longer rely on this mode of
decision-making. At best, we maintain the status quo and, more often
than not, we are completely blindsided by something unexpected that
wasn’t taken into account when we were assessing risk and making our
decisions.

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Fearless Aging

Fear

By Jim Selman | Bio

In “A Course in Miracles”, there is an aphorism at the beginning of the book that says “Nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists.” Although I have never formally studied the program, I have read the book and it is a beautiful and compelling insight in the realm of spiritual wisdom. For millions, the Course has given access to a higher power or transformation of their relationship to the world. What I found for myself was a clarity and simplicity that

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Fearless Aging

Bag Lady

1 Comment

By Jim Selman | Bio

I was recording a podcast recently in response to the question of how ‘elders’ should be dealing with money these days given the current and projected economic mess. The woman I was speaking to was clearly ‘worried’ about her financial future. I started my response by sharing that over many years of coaching I sometimes chuckle when speaking with women because they all seem to have a generic fear of becoming a ‘bag lady’. There was an interesting article in the Toronto Globe and Mail in December titled, “Why women look in the mirror and a bag lady looks back”. It seems this archetype pervades a lot of women’s deepest fears of failure and becoming destitute.

To be sure it isn’t funny if it happens; however, for the vast majority of women this isn’t going to happen. Yet the fear of it lingers on. My response to the question was that, while I have no particular expertise in money management, I do have something to say about how we relate to money—however much we may have or not have. People should consult qualified financial advisors at as young an age as possible and responsibly invest in their financial future.

With respect

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Leadership

Back to Work

By Jim Selman | Bio

Today is ‘back to work’ for most of us. We’ve eaten too much, survived another holiday season and are now preparing for what’s next. This year is different for many throughout the world. The economy, climate, war and poverty are continuing sources of suffering. I hear more and more people expressing their fears about the future and predictions that 2009 will be ‘very tough’. Unfortunately, if enough people have a pessimistic view of their future, then as I have said on this blog many times, we are creating a self-fulfilling reality. We will get what we resist and fear unless and until enough people create a critical mass to create a different, unpredictable future.

This isn’t just about being pessimistic or optimistic, which are mostly just positive or negative predictions for most people. This is about the capacity we all have to create (not predict) the future. Creating the future is the essence of leadership and the source of possibilities throughout human history. It should be obvious that we are creating our current ‘reality’ all the time anyway. Our actions today are causing tomorrow, just as our actions yesterday created today.

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Wisdom in Action

You’re in My Corner

By Lauren Selman | Bio

"Don’t worry about it, you’ve got me in your corner." These are the words that make a child warm inside and feel like they can accomplish anything.

My father said this to me the other day, and when he said it I felt like I was on top of the world and that I could do anything. I was scared and intimidated, but that fear lifted when I knew he would be there. Like Rocky in the ring, I can look back and know that he is there coaching me on my swing and my

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Wisdom in Action

Wisdom and Fear

By Jim Selman | Bio

I heard someone remark that the best thing about getting older is they don’t have to be afraid anymore. While I think that is one of life’s ‘truisms’, it falls into the same category as your mother telling you “not to worry”—it doesn’t help much to know that when you are worried! From what I can see, most people get more fearful and anxious as they age. This anxiety takes various forms: fear of not having enough money, fear of being homeless, fear of being alone, fear of becoming dependent or of losing one’s faculties. The list could go on.

I am not of the opinion that there is nothing to fear. There are lots of things to fear. A person would have to be naïve not to pay attention to what they are doing and what’s going on around them. I am reminded, for example, of getting mugged last year. Just this spring, my son was attacked by a vicious street gang while walking home; fortunately, he got through it without any lasting harm. The point is that lots of bad things can happen and most of us are not well prepared

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