The Blessing of Sadness

By Don Arnoudse
Bio

For as long as I can remember, I have been an optimistic person. I’ve always taken great pride in my natural inclination to see a ‘silver lining in every cloud’. ‘Making lemonade out of lemons’ was one of my favorite clichés. Imagine my surprise when, in a recent conversation with Ann, my personal coach, I heard her say she felt a deep shiver of sadness while listening to me. It brought me up short. I had been talking about turning 59 years old, how good life was right now and, at the same time, how acutely aware I was of how fast time was flying by. When I stopped, took a deep breath, and listened to my body, I realized that deep down there was a pool of sadness within me. This is an emotion I’ve kept at bay for a long time. I’ve learned in my work with Julio Olalla at the Newfield Network that sadness is not something to be avoided. Contrary to what our culture would have us believe, it is a valuable emotion—one that reminds us of what we truly value. When we mourn the loss of someone or something, we are brought up close and personal to that which truly makes our life worthwhile.  I’ve decided to ‘practice’ sadness. To let it in, rather than deflect it. I am beginning to understand the gift it is. In great sadness, we have a profound opportunity to take another look at our life and make course corrections. Ironically, sadness can also give us access to gratitude. Sadness points us to what we must accept in life in order to achieve real peace. From now on, whenever I feel a glimmer of sadness, I intend to sink into it a bit before moving on with my busy life. I feel sad about a number of things even now… My father died last October. I felt initially overwhelmed with sadness and then, in my eulogy of him, I was so grateful for the many things I had learned from this modest man. My two children are 21 and 22. I am sad for the many mistakes I now see I made as a parent. As they create their independent lives, I am sad for the distance between us. I am so grateful for them in my life and I so value my relationship with them. My sadness points out my need to accept that I did the best I knew how to do at the time and reveals my commitment to love them for the rest of my life. I am increasingly aware of my mortality. I do the ‘life math’ and am sad that I won’t have as much time as I would like. My sadness points out how much I love life, my fascination with so many things, and the eagerness with which I live most of my days. What a blessing! I am sad for my friends who have already died. I miss them and I am so grateful for the contributions they made to who I am today. I pledge anew to make time for the friends I have today. I am sad for the state of the world we inhabit. War, hunger, poverty, the environment, terrorism, racism, greed and exploitation of the powerless and all the other seemingly intractable problems sometimes seem so overwhelming. I am glad I no longer live with my ‘head in the sand’, naively seeing only the bright side. I commit to engaging with the world, not hiding in fear. As I hear the life stories of my coaching clients, I practice letting myself simply be with their sadness for losses they have suffered. Rather than try to cheer them up right away, I acknowledge and am grateful for the connection this allows me to have with them. I am grateful for the shared journey we are on and for the trust they have in me that allows them to communicate their pain. I yearn for peace at this point in my life. My sadness gives me clues to what I must learn to accept to find that peace. I accept that I am a human being who makes mistakes. I have a dark side. I sometimes let people down, even those I most love. I sometimes betray my own values. I procrastinate on important things. I backslide on resolutions I have made. And these are all things that make me who I am. These are the struggles that have shaped my character and remind me of what I prize in life. My wounds have given me compassion for others. My failures have allowed me to appreciate success and the value of continuing to show up and give things my best shot. My tears allow me to get close, to drop my mask and be intimately connected with others.  So, when you see me with tears in my eyes, please don’t try to cheer me up. Be grateful, along with me, for the blessing of sadness. read more

Procrastination

Jose Ortega Y Gasset said, “The most compelling thing about life is its immediacy. It is fired at us point blank”. I think that says a lot for why we need to learn to live in the moment and not become trapped in our internal conversations about this and that, forever chasing the future that never arrives or dragging the past forward like a yoke….

We live too much of our lives in our head, wishing and wanting things to happen later and regretting and resenting what is already gone … and

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Grown Ups

AARP Magazine’s editor did an interesting video interviewing folks on the question of what a grown up is. It was interesting to hear the diverse viewpoints on this concept, and to discover how little agreement there is about what constitutes ‘being grown up’. Everyone seems to have a different point of view about what the words mean. The conversations we have about ‘acting our

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Love

I have a painting of two hearts touching, surrounded by golden light, in a kind of surrealistic rendering. I take it to be a portrayal of Love. Beneath the picture are the words, “I now seek only what I must lose”. It speaks to me of the inevitable, of the fact that we must all sooner or later ‘let go’ of whatever we may be attached to, including the people and things we cherish most.

The Buddha’s message was directly to this point: the true nature of life is love and letting go, or

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Surrender or Succumb

One of the toughest lessons we learn in life is that ‘reality’ doesn’t care what we think or how we feel. Reality is just ‘what is’—the permanent state of ‘isness’. This isn’t a philosophical idea. It is one of those ‘obvious’ aspects of consciousness and existence that is true no matter what we believe, a kind of a priori truth such as ‘all bachelors are unmarried’. This idea about “reality just being what is” is tough to get because we spend most of our lives thinking

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Compassion and Growth

By Shae Hadden
Bio

My sister reminded me last night that it’s gardening season. “The next three weeks are for planting,” she said. And that was it. For her, the next three weeks of her work life will be determined by her definition of this part of the growing season. Purchasing young seedlings, transplanting older plants, making last minute preparations of the garden beds, placing vital nutrients around plant roots. Working the soil and planting things.

I was struck by the sweet irony of life.

In
the midst of this season of new beginnings, some of my older women
friends are facing mid-life and end-of-life challenges. Seasons ago,
they ‘planted’ themselves in particular locations, lifestyles and ways
of thinking about things. And now the challenges they face are like
none they have experienced before. In a way, they are being offered
opportunities to let go, to ‘re-plant’ themselves,

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Mother

In loving memory of my mother, Ruth Selman (1920-2007), who passed away this morning at 11:20 am.

I am distracted by thoughts of dying, My actions blown away on wasted winds of imagination and thoughts I cannot think or speak.

I celebrate tomorrow and yearn for yesterdays,

The weakness of a restless soul longing for realities unlived and lost forever in the desert of forgotten dreams.

I am longing to disappear in a transcendent moment,

Able to relate in a comforting embrace and forget the lost moments of unexperienced possibilities and unconsummated potential.

I am too many people in too many times,

Filled with the pain of seeking what cannot be sought and hoping for resolution of unasked questions that have no answers.

I have circumnavigated the Universe eight times and seven,

Being both lighthearted and a dark cloud without reason, knowing only that I AM and always will be searching, without sleep or time to rest.

I am movement itself, without form or fashion, direction or goal,

Forever trapped in this prison of time and space, physical without form and spiritual without Being or power beyond myself.

I am beyond mere words—a silence embracing the absence of sound.

Rebirth isn’t possible when we cannot die or find an ending to the process we began so long ago—before we knew the cost of time.

I am Yesterday, Tomorrow and Forever, surrounding both life and death,

Now cannot be me, but it is all there is, and therefore I am not and never was—until someone finds me waiting for them for all eternity. read more

The Promise of Networking

Do you remember when networks of computers first arrived on the scene? Moving information onto the new technological platform decentralized and dispersed information and knowledge, a move that resulted in a significant communications revolution that still has repercussions today. Giving people the ability to access and share what had previously existed only on paper or in the minds of certain individuals not only sped up the rate of transactions, but also freed individuals from a certain amount

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Technology & Transformation

We’re all connected-whether we like it or not. We have seen our world through the eyes of astronauts, and there is no going back. Globalization is as much a product of space flights, satellites, air transportation, and the telephone as it is a product of our (relatively recent) capacity to communicate and coordinate our actions at long distances using technology. It really is just one world.

Online shopping is slowly creeping up on us, with eBay and Amazon the main competitors. 5 years ago,

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Building Bridges

I was listening to an interview on CBC’s wonderful Sunday program called "Our World”. They were speaking with Charles Taylor, a 76-year-old Canadian philosopher and political activist who was recently awarded the Templeton Prize to research how spiritual aspirations shape society and politics. In this interview, he came across as one of the most optimistic commentators on the state of the world I’ve heard and he was positive without being unrealistic or naïve.

The essence of his message

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