By Don Arnoudse
Bio

I
get paid, and quite handsomely, for listening and talking to people. As
a Personal and Executive Coach, I’ve engaged daily for the past six
years in the most intimate, often surprising, and always intense
dialogues with very interesting people who are dealing with high-stakes
dilemmas in their professional and personal lives. Part of my process
is to intentionally provoke them. Provoke them into thinking in
unconventional ways, into getting in touch with deep feelings they’ve
been avoiding, and coming to grips with uncomfortable realities they’ve
been deferring. And they provoke me, in turn. By surfacing issues they
haven’t discussed with anyone (in some cases, not even their spouses).
They invite me to dive into the complexities of their situations and
help simplify their choices, generate new possibilities and shine a
light on their blind spots.

These conversations really keep me
on my toes. After a full day of listening and speaking, my mind feels
like it just came out of a mental ‘spin class’. My heart, my hands and
my ‘gut’ have had a workout too. I cherish having time at the end of
the day to just reflect a bit on the extraordinary people in my life
and the remarkable interchanges that we shared. I smile as I recall the
power of a seemingly simple question to generate a cascade of ever
deepening insight. I feel a thrill run down my spine as I remember the
powerful and contagious shift of mood from quiet detachment to full
enthusiastic engagement of the young man I met with who left the
session full of ideas to put into action immediately. I remember him
running down the steps from my third floor office without a minute to
waste. Wow! Do I ever feel alive!

Here is my provocative question for you.

What
if, as we age, we added the tonic of provocative conversation to our
various vitamins, supplements, special diets and exercise programs?

I’ve
come to believe that one of the surest ways to decline in our ‘second
half’ is to play it safe in conversation: spending our time in routine
chit chat, going on about the weather, reminiscing about the good old
days, or, God forbid, comparing our ailments. Provocative conversations
stretch your brain, exercise your listening ‘muscles’ as you strain to
catch every nuance of what’s being said, get your heart thumping, and
start your palms sweating. Such dialogue generates a mood of gratitude
for the deep connections you feel with others. You’ll laugh out loud
with the joy of shared ‘mental gymnastics’.

So, accept my
challenge. Take more chances in conversation. Starting tomorrow, refuse
to settle for another day of predictable ‘chats’. Ask questions, be
curious, have a point of view without getting stuck in it. Invite
someone to explore and think differently. Be the unforgettable
conversation in someone else’s day.

I look forward to running into you!