Recently, I came across an article from the New York Times entitled "Invisible Immigrants, Old and Left With ‘Nobody to Talk To’",
concerning elderly immigrants in the United States and the loneliness
and isolation that many of them experience, especially those who
speak little or no English.
The article references
Mr. Devendra Singh, a 79-year-old widower, who commented on differences
he observed in people in North America and people in India. “Here
people think about what is convenient and inconvenient for them.” He
notes that in India, there is a favorable bias towards the elderly. And
Professor Teas, a sociology professor and demographer at the University
of California, Irvine, also noted in the article that, "Reliant on
their children, late-life immigrants are a vulnerable population. They
come anticipating a great deal of family togetherness. But American
society isn’t organized in a way that responds to their cultural
expectations.”
I hold the view that loneliness, isolation,
and the desire for family togetherness is shared by an increasing
number of seniors right across North America. These experiences and desires are not unique to immigrants, although they may indeed be more pronounced.
During
the last few weeks, my brother-in-law, my wife and myself have been
visiting my mother-in-law in Edmonton, while she is recovering in
hospital from a fall and an unrelated infection. At this time, it looks
favorable that she will be able to return to her assisted living
complex. During our visits, each of us have noticed the infrequent
visits to other seniors in the same ward as my mother-in-law. In fact,
this experience reminds me of our visits to my mother while she was in
hospital six years ago. The periodic visits to her ward mates was just
as noticeable. How the seniors in my mother-in-law’s ward must long
for the experience of family togetherness that was present for their
parents and for their grandparents.
In discussions with my
mother and my mother-in-law (while they were in hospital), each had
plenty of time to share their experiences of family life while they
were growing up. The family was the centre of life. And the deep
closeness that typified their families was a source of pride. Now, of
course, family members are lucky if they live in the same city or
country. Mr. Singh's comment about people's concern for what is
convenient and inconvenient begs the question, “Do we make time for the seniors in our life?” If not, and if these relationships are important to us, we must find and create other ways to keep connected.
At the Eldering Institute®, we are committed to transforming the conversation about what is possible as we grow older. The first two commitments in the Eldering Manifesto
call us into a new possibility and vision for growing older and
relating to one another with respect and dignity. I invite you take a
few minutes to read it and add your name to the hundreds of people who
are committed to Eldering™. Let's work together to connect with seniors in the communities in which we live.
Last week I read that life expectancy in the United States
has now reached 78 years of age. As reported by Associated Press, a baby born
in 2007 can expect to live to the age of 78. The same report noted that heart
disease and cancer together were the cause of nearly half of U.S. fatalities,
and that Alzheimer's disease has surpassed diabetes to become the sixth leading
cause of death. Regardless of how long we can expect to live, everyone
has
a date at which time life, as we know it, will come to an end. Whether by natural
or unnatural causes, our life on earth will have a conclusion.
Wikipedia defines “life expectancy” as the average number of years of life remaining
at a given age. Certainly a life expectancy of 78 years is better than the
previous high of 75.5 years. But what if we consider ‘life expectancy’ from a slightly
different perspective? The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines “expectancy”
as the act or state of anticipating or looking forward. What would be the
implications for us if we thought of our life expectancy as being about what we
might anticipate or look forward to as we live the precious moments of our
lives, rather than looking at the number of years we might have left?
I recall discussions with my father about what he looked forward to when he
retired. He anticipated a time of rest, a time when he could pursue his
hobbies and favorites sports. He also talked about spending time
travelling with my mother. As with many working class families, life
occurred as a series of work weeks, weekends for rest,
helping children with homework, and the almost never-ending chores associated
with a family of eight. When vacation times did occur, the varying
schedules of growing children left very little time for Mom and Dad to spend
together. My father retired at 60 years of age, but by then, both my father and
mother had become, well, 'home-bodies'. They had spent so much time at
home that the very thought of travelling made them tired. In fact, they really
never learned how to travel, so for them, vacationing occurred for them as more
work.
Don't get me wrong. They enjoyed the rest that came with retirement, but with
their increasing age came infirmities. Both no longer had the health they
enjoyed when they were younger. My father passed away at the age of 74 and my
mother joined him some five years later.
While what occurred for my parents is indeed 'what is', a small part of me wishes
that my parents had created possibilities for their individual lives throughout
each year, rather than have focused so much on their retirement years. It
occurs to me that the future does not occur somewhere in distant months or
years. The future occurs in each new moment and therefore possibility
also exists in each new moment. What possibilities might each of us anticipate,
create or look forward to as we live each moment of our lives?
At the Eldering Institute, we are committed to a rich experience of
aging for everyone. Imagine living your life as a possibility. A life
in which you have the ability to choose how your future occurs for
you. Our
Eldering
Manifesto provides just such a vision for growing older. Please watch the video
and then read the manifesto.
If you share our vision, declare your commitment to a life of
possibility by signing the manifesto. As in all of life, the choice is
yours!
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